It would eventually happen but I didn't expect it to occur so soon.
I was oversensitive and paranoid and I tried to prevent it. Really. I tried to.
Nevertheless, I was still hurt.
I know I should reply you faster when you're online.
I'm sorry when I postpone my reply and I'm distracted.
But I felt you were acting cold even though you stated that you weren't.
(Sorry my thoughts are scattered and I'm trying hard to put them together)
And when you told me to go, I felt that you were chasing me away.
That's when things changed on my side.
A thousand negative thoughts were sprinting in my head and I tried to focus.
I kept trying to calm myself down and not respond to you immediately so that I could think clearly.
I took 20 minutes to send that short message because I was running through it thinking whether I sounded too harsh? Submissive? Forward? Angry?
Yes, it did affect me that bad. And even when you said that you were just teasing, I'm still not assured about that. Please do state whether you're hurt and don't let this post/message affect you from expressing how you feel in the future.
My heart was frozen until you messaged "Hey soulmate. Miss you." But I hid the sadness perfectly when I was at the party. Nobody sensed that I was down. I was all smiles.
Your clips did make me happy again but when you didn't reply me about your destination for about three times, I grew suspicious. For goodness' sake! I was suspicious! The last feeling I expected to feel about you.
(This is so hard to write)
It's not easy that we don't get to hear each other's voice everyday frequently. It must be hard (or even harder) for you since you're back in Malaysia and you pass by places that we spent time together and memories come flooding back. Maybe not. I don't know.
I still love you even though I may seem cold. Please and please don't let this affect you. I need to hear your thoughts. I need to know how you're feeling. It's all because I care. I know you know that. I really do love you. I don't want this to affect us. I won't let it. I love you.
~Drowned mermaid
posted by Ben Samin @ 8:55 PM
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